Alpha Omega Elite. Supergate II. Superyard XT.
What do these names bring to mind?
A : Some futuristic device?
Or
B : Safety products for children?
If you guessed “A”, you’d be wrong.
The Alpha Omega Elite appears to be some form of restraint system for use with small children. We have no idea why it’s called this. I would, however, purchase this if someone said “You too can protect your childw ith the Alpha Omega Elite”. I wouldn’t even ask what it did, I’d buy it. Is there a regular Alpha Omega? If there were, I wouldn’t want to buy it if the “Elite” version was out there.
Next we have the “Supergate III”. We couldn’t find Supergates I and II, so we assume they were total failures. But Supergate III must be good… right? What does it do? Does it keep Superman in? Or out? Does that mean it’s made of Kryponite? I don’t think’d want my kids exposed to that…
And to round out the triumverate of awesomely named children’s restraints we have:
Now, the Superyard XT (We assume the “XT” stands for “Xtrememly Terrifying”). It appears to be a playpen of some sort, but why is it “Super”? Does it contain the Superfriends? Does it make your yard award winning? And why the XT? The box itself brings up many questins, I wonder what it’d be like to set up.
Anyone have any other awesomely named products to share? If so send them our way!
disciples.of.bloggism@gmail.com
Beer Reviews – Acai Berry Wheat and St. Peter’s Cream Stout
Acai Berry Wheat – Eel River Brewing Company, CA
When Rob and I saw this in the beer aisle at our local Fred Meyer, we were both pretty skeptical. Fruit beers are pretty hit-or-miss in my experience, and the acai berry has a pretty potent taste. In case you’re not familiar with this particular fruit, go to your local grocer or drug store: Acai berry products are all over the place, usually marketed as a dietary supplement. Some people claim some pretty outrageous stuff about this little purple berry, but whether or not it’s a panacea superfood, it definitely has a unique taste (and they’re high in antioxidants, too!).
With all this in mind, I was concerned that an acai flavored wheat beer might be overpoweringly strong. Nevertheless, we decided to be adventuresome and picked up a couple bottles. My conclusion? This stuff is actually pretty damn good! It smells very fruity, more like juice than beer, which did nothing to allay my fears that the taste might be overwhelmingly foul, but it is actually much milder on the tongue than it is on the nose. It definitely tastes like a wheat beer, with only a very subtle flavoring of acai as well – less acai taste than I imagined. There is a lingering aftertaste that is somewhat bitter, but generally speaking the beer goes down quickly and smoothly, and was thoroughly enjoyable. I think this might be one of my new favorite fruit beers!
Andrew’s recommendation: Try it! 4.5/5 berries.
St. Peter’s Cream Stout – St. Peter’s Brewery, Suffolk, UK
The second beer we purchased was much less adventuresome than the first – a simple cream stout. I’ve seen the very attractive St. Peter’s bottles in stores before, but this was my first time ever tasting one. Although I had never tried an acai berry beer in the past, I have had plenty of cream stouts, so I had a particular set of expectations which I brought to the table here. In general, I think that Rob and I got what we expected with the St. Peter’s – not a bad beer by any means, but nothing very revolutionary.
The stout was very smooth, as most cream stouts are, with very little aftertaste. As a matter of fact, the beer went down so smoothly it was almost easy to forget you had drunk it upon swallowing. “Like a ninja in your mouth,” or “a hooker in the night” were the operative phrases we were throwing around – it went down quickly and all but disappeared once it left your tongue. There was a slight taste of toasted chocolate one might expect from any stout, but what grabbed our attention the most about this particular beer was the strong whiskey-like taste at the front. As the beer entered my mouth, I could almost swear I was taking a sip of rye whiskey, which, although it surprised me, was not an unwelcome experience. There are definitely some interesting things going on here, but all-in-all the beer was underwhelming.
Andrew’s review: 3.5/5
Robert’s review: 4/5
Food Review : Flavour Spot 5/5 Tacos
Sweet, Sweet Flavour.
Flavour Spot is one of the many, many, food carts that dot the Portland foodscape. In addition to serving great “Dutch Taco’s” (more in a sentence or two), they also spell “Flavour” correctly! But onto their food…
Hey baby, want a Dutch Waffle?
The, so-called Dutch Taco is not a sexual position as one might think (Google it, you know you want to). Instead, it is a Waffle, with none of the normal toppings added. Instead of the usual syrup or sugar or chocolate, they have instead opted to cover it with ham and cheese! Their regular “Dutch Taco” has ham and chedder cheese, but you can pay another .50 cents and get Gouda… which sounds delicious.
A lemon pie waffle? Which is it?..
In addition to this Taco, the ‘Spot also provides many other delicious offerings. Unfortunately they did not have any spare menu’s, but I did get a photo! Notice such offerings as the S”Mores Waffle… or the Maple Pecan. The one that I am particularly curious about is the “MB9″ (second up on the left). It has 6 pieces of Canadian Bacon, and 3 strips of “regular” bacon… does that sound delicious or what? They also had a special going on, which, sounded quite special! (roast beef.. on a waffle!) In addition to their Tacos, they also offer drinks, such as milkshakes and, I’m pretty sure, coffee.
And don’t forget the t-shirts saying “I eat food”.
When to visit.
You can visit the Flavour Spot at :
2310 N Lombard StPortland, OR 97217
(503) 289-9866
Game Review: Unreal Tournament 3
Unreal Tournament 3 for the Xbox 360 – 4/5
Unreal Tournament is a “love it or hate it” franchise. For gamers looking for lots and lots… and lots… of shooting, exploding, fragging, and all-around mayhem, these games are among the best in the genre. Unreal took the gaming world by storm with it was initially released in 1999, and there have been a steady supply of sequels updating the graphics, gameplay, arsenals, and the like – meaning this is one of the most reproduced and updated game franchises out there, especially in the first-person-shooter genre. Rob and I picked up Unreal Tournament 3 for our new Xbox 360 the other day, the latest in the series. No, it’s not the third Unreal game, but actually the eighth – the games are “numbered” differently according to the graphics engine they utilize, and thus this game is merely the third in the franchise to use the latest iteration of the Unreal rendering software… get it? Unreal Tournament 3 comes directly after Unreal Tournament 2004, but is actually #8 in the Unreal series. Now that that’s cleared up…
Fans of the previous Unreal games should find much familiar ground here, enough to make the learning curve very small, if not non-existant. Players new to the series may take a little time getting used to the controls, different game types, and so on, but most of the content should be familiar to anyone who has played a shooter before – run around, shoot enemies, occasionally capture a flag or two. What sets Unreal apart from its competitors is a very smooth and fast gameplay experience and a lot of multiplayer support: This is a great game to play with a few of your friends, online or on the couch. One of the best, period.
Interestingly, UT3 has a Campaign or “Story” mode that moves away from the classic arena-style shoot-em-up game experience of Unreal games in the past. The fast-paced and relentless multiplayer modes are still there, but for some reason the game developers decided that players might be interested in the backstory behind these bloodbaths. I’m not sure I see eye-to-eye with the creators on this point, especially considering how… thin… the story seems to be. Suffice it to say it involes lots of flag capturing and tries humorously to explain the concept of respawning in combat, aided apparently by the help of little technological advancements call “respawners.” No really, that’s what they’re called. And there’s something about an alien invasion, I think… to be honest, I don’t think anyone is ever going to care about the half-assed story behind the carnage. We just want to shoot each other… over and over again. And really, that’s all the fans of Unreal have ever wanted.
Did I mention that one of the major NPCs talks like he’s straight out of a 1980s rap video?
The plotline aside, I would recommend that one play through the Campaign mode before jumping into multiplayer, especially if you’ve never played an UT game before. And if you don’t like the online scene, or don’t have any friends to play with, there’s always the “Instant Action” mode where you can pick a map, gametype, and gameplay modifiers (called mutators), and play against up to 15 computer controlled bots.
The graphics are nice, but not as nice as some other 360 shooters I’ve seen. It doesn’t help matters that the screen is usually very busy during gameplay, with very visually distracting levels and tons of bullets flying across the screen 90% of the time. The game engine does allow for a very smooth experience, however, and once you condition your eyes and your trigger fingers you’ll be getting Killing Streaks left and right.
We have yet to exhaust all the content, but I would imagine that once you’ve completed the Campaign, single-player or co-op, there would be a high amount of replay value, because there are several difficulty levels, each tier increasing the intelligence of the bot AI. A variety of gametypes and continued support on Xbox Live ensures a long replay life for multiplayer gaming, as well. All in all, a solid title, as long as you know what you’re getting into: An epic story, this is not – this is blood, guts, and flak cannons, pure and simple. 4/5 nukes.
Categories: Reviews Tags: video game
Xbox Adventures
The Xbox 360 is to gamers what the Ferrari is to car enthusiasts. The graphics are amazing, and the feature it offers are really cool (watching movies through it, Netflix, linking your computer to it). Not to mention it has some really, really good titles (Halo, Gears of War etc). The only downside compared to a PS3 is that there is no Blu-Ray player, and to be honest, I don’t really care about Blu-Ray right now… especially since the TV we have is 20 years old. But moving on.
And now our tale begins…
Having finally decided to get an Xbox 360 we ventured out to purchase one. Figuring that it would cost the same everywhere (MSRP for the Elite is 299.99, for the Arcade it’s 199.99) we went to Fred Meyers to purchase one. First, a little about the differences between the two. The Elite comes in Black (it looks cool!) and has a 120gb internal hard drive. This allows you to download content from online, save more games etc. It is also backwards compatible with more games than the Arcade. The Arcade, through cheap, only comes with 256mb of internal memory, which doesn’t allow you to do too much as far as downloads go, plus, it’s white… not nearly as badass as black.
Fred Meyers, or Freddies, being the closest store, we drove down and spoke to a clerk about getting one. We asked a few questions about the differences between the Arcade and the Elite, including whether or not the heat sink (keeps the machine cool so it doesn’t overheat) is bigger on the Elite. This led to the Associate hunting down someone else, who had some.. interesting.. ideas on how to cool a 360. First he recommended that we mount it vertical and put a cheap desk fan blowing up through it. That, being the cheapest way, seemed simple enough. Then he told us about some guy who used liquid Nitrogen to cool his xbox, which seems very expensive. Then we went to liquid hydrogen, followed by dry ice. All of that to answer the question “Does the elite have a bigger heat sink?”.
So we purchased a 360, along with a second black controller and a new copy of Unreal Tournament. Then we went home and had a grand olde tyme opening it up and turning it on. I gotta say, it was qutie exciting opening the box and plugging it in. Setup was a snap, very reminiscant of setting up a Wii (the other 7th gen console I’ve played). Then we popped in Unreal and blew each other up for several hours, but only after about an hour trying to figure out how to play. Not a bad game, we’ll have a review for you all on that one later.
He looked exactly like this… but not red…
The next day we ventured out (after another 6 or so hours of gaming) to find use a gift card to get more games. This is where things get… odd. The Associate at Fred Meyers assured us that we wouldn’t find a better deal on a 360 in town (I asked specifically if he could throw anything in or if they had any specials, they had none). Then we got to GameStop and we saw this.
Freddies LIED!
They were having a special, running from January 16th through the 21st. They give you a $50 gift card for every 360 Elite you buy. Now that sounds like a MUCH better deal than what Freddie’s had. I took several photo’s of the fliers (they had no paper copies), and got a business card from the employee there. Aside from research we also picked up a copy of Gears of War for 9.99 and Ghost Recon : Advanced Warfighter 2 (we had played the original Ghost Recons and loved them) for 4.99.
Here’s the proof!
Freddies has a policy that if you would like to return an item, you may do so for any reason within 30 days. They also do price matching. So we went home, unplugged our new Xbox, got the receipt and went back to Freddies. I told the guy at customer service what happened (we found a better deal, and had pictures and a phone number about it) and asked if they could match it. He called his boss, who said that unless we had a paper copy of the ad, they wouldn’t match the deal.
I hate math…
Now lets do a bit of math. We had purchase $349.99 worth of gear at Freddies (an Xbox + controller). We were going to return it all unless they matched the deal Gamestop had (a $50 gift card). So all-in-all they’d be out $50. Instead they lost our business, we returned the Xbox and the controller (they’re out $349.99), and they now cannot sell that Xbox since it is “used” (it will get returned to Microsoft, refurbished and sent to be sold as “Used”). Instead of keeping two happy customers, Freddies decided to inconvience (having to drive everywhere and lose all our saved game data) AND lost $350 in sales. Very weird.
The devil.. I know.. but they have great deals!
We went back to Gamestop and bought an Xbox there (we’re out $299.99 again). Then we bought a used controller, and 2 additional games (Halo 3, and Gears of War 2 : Collectors Edition). The sales clerk also hooked us up with The Edge, which gets us 10% off used stuff and 10% more when we trade it (cost us 14.95, but saved us 8 bucks and got us a subscription to a sub-par magazine). Our total, including all that was only $333. Notice how that’s $16 LESS than Freddies price. I know that I’ve ranted about Game Stop and it’s buy back practices (Halo : ODST new is 59.99, used it’s 54.99… wow, GREAT deal).
After we scurried home we hooked up our new, new Xbox, and played Halo 3 until we went blind. Well, not that bad, but we stayed up until we beat it on “normal” (which is actually quite easy..) And so concludes the Xbox adventure. Let this serve as a cautionary tale to all, always check around for good deals… otherwise you might lose your save files and waste time trying to convince an associate to match a competitors deal (not to mention listen to theories on how to cool something down…).
Categories: Adventures Tags: xbox
Food Review : Swirl Frozen Yogurt 4/5
A newcomer to the Hawthorne food world, Swirl frozen yogurt, tries to bring the magic of “fro yo” to Portland from it’s native home of San Francisco. They do quite a good job, actually. My biggest complaint is that they do not have any cones (to be fair the guy there said they didn’t have them “yet”). But still, being forced to eat fro yo out of a cup is like being forced to drink beer from a warm glass. But moving on.
Sweet, sweet fro yo…
They sell their fro yo by the ounce, at the low low rate of .45 cents an ounce. This is a great feature, since you can get as much or as little as you like. This price includes their toppings too, which range from almonds to peanut butter to raspberries and fresh fruit. The flavours of the fro yo are also quite ranged. My chocolate and pistacio fro yo was delicious. They also had banana, vanilla, peanut butter and several others I completely forgot about.
Their instructions are also quite easy to understand. Grab a cup and dispense yogurt. Add toppings. Weight and pay. Pretty simple, eh? I am a sucker for “fro yo”, so check this place out if you have the time! And I also hate the term “fro yo”.
If you’d like to visit Swirl and get some of your own “fro yo” check them out on Hawthorne at the corner of Hawthorne at 35th!
Andy’s Movie Review of the Week (4)
Well, I’ve been bad about keeping up with these supposedly weekly movie reviews. However, after seeing The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus in the theater yesterday, I was inspired to put my feelings about the film into writing. I have never walked out of a movie before, but during Parnassus last night I came very close – the only thing keeping me in my seat was the realization that I couldn’t speak fairly of the movie if I didn’t watch the entire thing, from beginning to end. So, with that, I feel comfortable giving this film the following review:
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus – *½ / *****
Parnassus is the latest film from director Terry Gilliam, of Monty Python fame. Gilliam is certainly a unique director, creating such visionary feats as Brazil, Time Bandits, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Twelve Monkeys, and one of my personal favorites, the very faithful and trippy adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. In his Python days, Gilliam was primarily responsible for the fantastic and whimsical animation which was often used as filler in between live skits, and he carried this imaginative and psychedelic style into his film career.
Though Terry Gilliam’s movies are visually striking and creative, they often suffer from a lack of narrative cohesion and clarity, especially when the inspiration springs mainly from the mind of Gilliam himself. In the past, this naive, wandering creativity has not lessened the quality of the director’s efforts, and has even added a layer of innocent mystery to his cinematic fantasies. However, in most of his previous films, the meandering of the story and chaotic effects have been counterbalanced by fine acting and very clever screenwriting – and Gilliam is able to keep us interested while he dazzles us with his dramatic visuals. These qualities of acting and writing are unfortunately absent in Parnassus, leaving the poor viewer with a curious but hollow mess of a film. It is a potentially interesting idea executed very poorly.
The film tells the tale of Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer), a centuries-old storyteller who made a bet with the devil (portrayed by Tom Waits) in which he won immortality. Parnassus and his troupe travel around performing a stage act in which audience members are invited to take a journey into fantastical imaginary worlds with the aid of a magical mirror. When someone steps into the mirror, she is transported to a world of her dreams, where she is guided by the doctor’s influence to a point of decision: She must choose between two paths, the long, arduous road to virtue, or the short and easy decent into vice. Due to another deal with the devil in years past which won Parnassus the heart of a beautiful young woman, the mystical doctor now owes the prince of hell his only daughter, Valentina (Lily Cole), on her rapidly approaching sixteenth birthday. However, Gilliam’s devil cannot resist the urge to gamble, and makes Parnassus another wager: He will spare Valentina if the doctor can manage to save five souls (by guiding them to choose the virtuous path) before the devil can corrupt the same number.
The doctor’s traveling troupe is rounded out by a young rogue named Anton (Andrew Garfield), and a dwarf who goes by the name of Percy, portrayed by Hollywood’s go-to short man, Verne Troyer. As they make their way through the streets of London, the gang happens upon Heath Ledger’s Tony, a man with a mysterious past who joins the traveling show and attempts to win the heart of the virginal Valentina, much to the chagrin of Anton. This film was, of course, Ledger’s last – he died before filming had even been completed. Due to this unfortunate fact, production was halted while the remaining scenes with Tony were recast with Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell- who stand in for Ledger in various mirror-inspired fantasies, so as (supposedly) not to break the continuity of the viewing experience.
However, my viewing experience was hardly one of continuity – the only elements which remained constant throughout the film were the horribly unfortunate acting of most of the cast, Troyer especially, and the abominable screenplay which is senseless when it’s not excruciatingly bad. The story is obtuse and pointless at best, with a script that made me physically cringe several times in the theater. Did I mention that Verne Troyer can’t act? This might be his worst role; I cannot fathom how anyone could deliver lines with less passion or worse comedic timing. Although, to be fair to Troyer, a third-grader could have written better dialogue.
Perhaps the strangest thing about Parnassus is the fact that the whole film seems like a thinly-veiled morality play for the virtues of the religious Right. We’re presented with a black and white, Manichean duality between good and evil, where every earthly inhabitant must choose to abstain from sinful acts or else fall under Satan’s spell and be damned for eternity to Hell. Through obvious symbolism, heavy-handed dialogue, and clumsy turning points in the plot, Gilliam is basically warning us not to drink, smoke, lie, gamble, or engage in premarital sex. Watch for the signs, they’re all there – each of these vices is covered, with the implication that should we choose to engage in any of these activities the devil will have us by the balls, so to speak. And then there’s my favorite line in the whole film: “It’s a child, not a choice!” Real subtle.
And considering that the film’s main selling point (besides the fact that it was Ledger’s final movie) is supposed to be it’s imaginative and stimulating visual effects, I have to admit I was thoroughly underwhelmed by the quality of the CG effects throughout. When Tom Waits turned into a giant snake I couldn’t help but snicker – I’ve seen better computer graphics in 10-year old films. How can a director in this day and age get away with such shoddy workmanship – especially when so many people were eagerly anticipating the movie. It’s unfortunate that Ledger’s final role couldn’t have been his portrayal of the Joker in The Dark Knight. Although the writing and directing in that film also irked me to no end, Ledger’s performance easily made the experience worthwhile, and it was a much more memorable role than any to come out of this steaming pile of cinematic waste.
Coffee Review : Blenz Coffee in Horseshoe Bay 5/5 Beanz
Blenz is the Canadian answer to Starbucks. I would like to say it is a better answer than Starbucks to whatever question you happen to be asking. Maybe it’s the rebellious spirit, or the fact that they were in Horseshoe Bay first, but whatever the reason, they draw a good coffee. Or, in my case, a decaf americano. I know, a bit wussy, but it is good coffee. It has a nice body (not too big though), and a thick taste, not like drinking coloured water.
The coffee shop at the end of to bay.
This particular Blenz sits on the waterfront and is a last stop of sorts before the ferry to Bowen Island, Nanaimo, or the Sunshine Coast (at least I think that’s where they go). It has a wonderful view of the bay, and a backdrop of mountains, something not every coffee shop can claim.
The view out the front door.
But onto the coffee. They have the standard allotment of coffee drinks, then several that I haven’t seen anywhere else. They use a Belgium chocolate for the hot cocoa and mochas, and it is certainly something special. Much richer and more flavourful than what one has come to expect from such drinks. They also have an extensive collection of loose-leaf teas, which you may either enjoy in the shop or bring home to enjoy later. These are no second class remnants, it’s actual tea!
mm… pasteries. and sandwhiches… and cookies…
And then there’s food. Everything from rice krispie treats to sandwhiches to cup cakes. Any and everything one would desire to pair with their delicious coffee or tea or chocolate based beverage. They also have several hot options, sausage rolls and others that are a great snack.
And then there’s the atmosphere. The seating area is a bit oddly shaped, there is a triangular table in the middle which is a bit weird, but there is a bar in front of all the windows, which is a great place to watch the ferries come and go. It’s even more exciting / terrifying when they crash through the marina.
Overall, worth the trouble of visiting if you’re in the area. If you’re not, find a reason to visit West Vancouver and come watch the ferries for a while.
Visit the Horseshoe Bay Blenz at 6334 Bay Street, West Vancouver, V7W 2G9. Or on the phone at 604-922-3776.