Posts Tagged ‘mall’

Trip to the Mall, Part 2

Andy and I ventured to the mall again.  This time to Llyod Center, a vastly different mall than Washington Square.  Less upscale, and much larger.  Plus, it has an ice skating rink.  Although, we’re constantly creeped out by all the seeming pedophiles that skate with the kids. And we’re also creeped out by the Scientology “Stress Test” booth that is set up on the ground level.  (Ron L. Hubbard Institute?).  How a sci-fi writer got an Institute named after him is beyond me.  The only upshot of the “Stress Test” (Andy actually took one once.. they use “E-Meter“, some bullshit device that only really measures galvanic skin response to determine your stress level.  Apparently Godzilla stresses us out) is that it is right across from the Pirate store.  Yes, Llyod Center has a store devoted entirely to Pirates.  Or rather, people who want to BE pirates.  They have just about everything to deck out your pirate ship, plus appropriate garb.  The only thing missing is the Grog.

The parking lot at Llyod Center is.. interesting.  The first level, “1″ has a Fish next to it, 1a has a bird, 2 is a cloud, 2a is a star and 3 is the Sun.  It kinda makes sense, low to high, but I’d switch the Sun with Stars since I’m pretty sure every other star in the sky is further away than the Sun.. at least that is what Science tells me.  Also, where did they get the idea for the pictures, Lucky Charms?  Where’s the heart and clovers?

Like all good malls, Llyod Center has not one, but TWO gaming stores, both of which happen to be EB Games.  I guess the only upshot of having two of these is that if you’re on one level you don’t have to over-exert yourself by standing on an escalator for ten seconds to get to one.  I love this store, but I do have a problem with the used games, which I am sure many people also do.  A quick search of Google turns up hundreds of people pissed at this.  Here is just one example.  As a gamer I appreciate the ability to recycle games, but I constantly feel the burn of selling something for $5 only to see it being sold for three-four times that…  Fortunately I have found CD Game Exchange in Portland.  I’m sure these guys use the same scheme as EB, but at least they’re (more) local, plus they have a great selection of music and games.. much better than EB’s.

Llyod Center has a great little remote control (RC) shop… although it is a bit creepy.  The front has dozens of different RC toys, from helicopters to tanks (they actually shoot things!) to trick cars.  They even let you play with some of them, and come on, who doesn’t love an RC car?  The rest of the place is devoted to more random, creeptastic shit.  It feels like they didn’t know what to add, so they threw in some sports memorabilia,  generic plastic toys (GI Joe ripoffs, miscellanious dinosaur toys etc.).  It’s kinda like being stuck in China Town.

Trip to the Mall, Part 1.

Andy and I went to Washington Square the other day looking for some Halloween costume ideas.  We ended up in the Excaliber Cutlery store and started bugging the clerks.  No, no one has ever gotten in a sword fight in the store, yes they sell lots of swords (including something that looks like it’s from Star Wars), no we can’t get in a sword fight.  That last one really got our attention.  We figured what better way to get some great free advertising than to have a sword fight going on outside their store?  I mean, how else can you see how their product will perform until it’s been in an actual fight?  The store clerks pointed out that, aside from being illegal (comeon! it’s just one sword fight..) it would likely drive people AWAY from the store.  My counterpoint was that we could have the fight across the way, and drive people INTO the store seeking shelter from the sword-wielding maniacs.

On the way out, we realized that Excaliber is the PERFECT store… it has poker, golf stuff, booze (well, flasks), chess, backgammon knives (we offered to get in a knife fight instead of a sword fight for them… no dice), and, if we move the blowjob booth from across the hall (ok, it’s really a kissing booth, but check it out and tell us what you think) we’d have everything we need.  Andy argued that instead of the sword fight, we should really just move the BJ booth, because blowjobs are better than swordfights…

On the way out, we passed a Victorias Secret.  They had a sign saying they are hiring.  Our job interview would consist of something like “So,/ why do you want to work here?” “uhh.. I like boobies….” all while slightly drooling.. kinda like that seal over there.

Also, for those of you wondering, you can now follow Washington Square on Facebook AND Twitter!  here’s the proof!  Oddly enough, you can only follow them if you want to update your fashion status…. so all you fashionable people are just SOL.

And so ends our trip to the mall… there was more that happened, but i’ll save it for another post.  I’ll leave you with this funny poster of monkeys sword fighting.